I genuinely believe that your journey is what you make of it. Yes, sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes life isn’t fair. Acknowledge it, process it (even laugh at it), and move on. Despite my hardships, I love life and I cherish the people who have shaped my journey along the way. To enlighten my journey, I try to live by these simple mantras:
1. Treat others, as you would want to be treated.
2. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoe.
3. Put good karma out into the universe and it will eventually come back to you.
The long and short of it, I am the mother of a special needs child and a recent breast cancer survivor. I guess you could say that my story began when my son was diagnosed with autism at the age of 2. Mind you, he was diagnosed in 1996 when autism was not nearly as prevalent as it is today. Now, autism is all the rage in the developmental disability community but twenty years ago when I told people that my child was autistic they immediately equated it to Rain Man. Annoyingly, I would be asked what special abilities my son possessed. I often received confused looks when I sarcastically retorted that his special ability was watching the 20th Century Fox trailer a hundred times in a row. By the way, my sarcastic sense of humor is more of a family trait than a coping mechanism and Nick really does listen to visual and audio snippets a hundred times in a row.
Anyhow, Nick is now 21 years old, lives at home with my husband and me, and still attends public school. I say it all time… Nick is truly the sweetest soul you will ever have the pleasure to meet. He embodies all that is good and innocent in the world. Don’t get me wrong; raising him was heartbreakingly difficult for many years. Until Nick was 13 years old his inability to communicate caused significant behavioral and safety issues. I won’t go into the specifics of this time in my life but it is a hell that only mothers of special needs children can relate. In those dark days I reconciled to live life day by day and to let go of things that were out of my control. I also learned that “this too shall pass”. Everything goes on, life, whatever, it goes on whether we want it to or not. I learned that you have to go with it or let it pass you by.
I survived those dark days and can honestly say that I am a better mother, wife, and human being because of my journey with Nick. Nick has taught me empathy, perspective, patience, and compassion. Most importantly he has taught me to marvel at the simple things in life and take absolutely nothing for granted. Nick will continue to live with my husband and me until the day I die or am incapacitated at which time he will live with his AMAZING sister, Hannah. Yes, I will be THAT 85 year old woman with her 63 year old son in tow because we are the dynamic duo!
About that cancer thing… I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May. What makes this story especially sucky is that my mom passed away from metastatic breast cancer just seven months prior. My mom and I were very close and I was devastated when she passed. As painful as it was to lose her, I have to turn for a second to point out the blessing of having that precious window of time between learning that her diagnosis was terminal and of her passing (six weeks). Time is a gift that should be treasured. Anyhow, so there I was, 43 years old and having to make life altering decisions while trying to not let my mom’s cancer journey affect how I live my cancer journey. After much consideration, I opted for a double mastectomy with reconstruction. Surgery and recovery were as rough as one might imagine but thankfully cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes; therefore, I opted out of chemotherapy. Today I am on a hormone therapy regiment and am still getting used to my implants. Not going to lie, I miss my small A-cups! I requested the smallest implants available but I guess that’s kind of an oxymoron. Oh well, in the big scheme of things I will live!
The take away from my cancer journey is that for the first time in my life I needed a well-wisher because my mom and champion well-wisher was gone. My cancer journey made me take stock of the other sources of strength and inspiration that I have in my life. For the first time I had to admit to myself that I needed as much support and prayers from as many people as possible. Moreover, I had to reconcile that asking for support from others did not mean that I was weak. Coming from an extremely private, independent, introvert like myself, it was beyond humbling to ask for strength from others. The outpouring of support was overwhelming, especially from my students. By profession, I administer an educational outreach program for underrepresented high school students. By profession, I AM the well-wisher to hundreds of students and it is my life’s passion. And when I needed it most, my students stepped up to be MY well-wisher.
I guess it comes full circle to my mantra that if you put good karma in the universe, it will eventually come back to you. So ladies, let’s put some good well-wishing karma out into the universe. We could all use some strength, courage, and inspiration.
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Sending love, luck & calm vibes.
